:ughhhhh:

you're so stubborn you know that. why can't you get it in your head that you never have to go through things alone. you're hurting and yet you never seem to remember that i exist. i told you countless times before, don't ever think that you have to deal with crap by yourself. i don't know how much help i would be but what i do know is that, i will try and help you feel better. you just cant seem to get that in your head. lets take yesterday for example, you know how sad i was when i knew something was wrong and yet you shook it off again pretending you were fine. i wanted to try and help, and yet you just left me hanging. ill be honest to you, it really pissed me off seeing that you are trying to take on the burdens and stress by yourself again but you know that i cant stay mad at you. so i just pretended nothing happened. that you were telling the truth when you told me you were alright. that's something that i don't like about you. the fact that, regardless how many times i remind you that i am here for you, you can't seem to see that. hey look. i may not be the best person to talk to and i may not always know the right words to say but at least i am here to listen to whatever you have to say and do my best to try to make you feel more at ease. i know i say this a lot and i don't know whether or not you realize this, i want you be happy. your happiness means so much to me. so please, next time something is eating you up inside, even if it's just the simplest of things. tell me. when i ask you what is wrong, don't try and endure things on your own cause you aren't on your own. there's a reason why i ask you these things, and i am persistent in getting an honest answer and not a lie such as, "it's nothing" or "i am fine." the reason for that is because i truly worry about you. i am pretty sure i know you well enough to tell when something is troubling you. there's so much things out there in life to look forward to, you mustn't blind yourself with things that bring you down. as soon as it does, just get back up. you have to learn to realize that no matter how hard things get, you have to look at life from another perspective. it's not whether the glass is half full or half empty. it never was or never is. you've got to realize that despite how full or half empty the glass is, you can always refill it. so please, next time something is on your mind. no matter how small it is, please tell me. especially when i know something is amidst your mind, that's when you should really tell me. i ask not simply for the sake of asking, i ask because i want to know and i want to try to set your mind at ease even if its just for the slightest amount. to let you know that things will be alright. that you aren't alone, you never were.

so yeah...promise me that you'll tell me no matter how small it may be. please.
( づ ^_^ )づ *hugs*

:for you sandra:

im sorry. even when we aren't together i still cause you pain. truth is, you think i am over you but really, im not. fact of the matter is, i cant get you outta my mind. i wont lie. i still have feelings for you. you really did have an impact in my life. our break up really hurt me deep inside and i guess the wound hasnt fully healed just yet.

this whole time we stayed as close friends and im glad we did, i didnt want to lose you in my life. thats why it really hurt to read your blog post.

dear sandra,

i still held feelings for you. i cant deny it. i wanted us to get back together but at the same time i didnt. i just couldnt do it. i didnt want to hurt you again. i noticed that you were happier with me as a close friend. i figured that if we got back together, i would just cause you more emotional pain like i did when we were a couple. i wanted you to be happy, to be able to genuinely smile. that smile of yours was what mattered. i wanted to put your happiness above my own. idk if you knew, but ive been keeping up to date with your blog. as i read your latest post, i felt pain inside. you said you were finally gonna shove me out of your heart. you said i didnt need you in my life and that you had no effect in my life. thats what you thought. sadly, youre mistake. i did need you, thats why i wanted so much for us to stay as friends. you affected my life greatly, thats why my feelings for you lingered. idk if you knew but no matter what the future has in store, you will always have a place in my heart. i guess thats why i just broke down in tears after having read that i was getting shoved out of yours, that i would no longer have a place in it. i wonder if i had told you sooner, we would be together again. probably not, i dont think you would want an idiot like me. no one knows what lies in the future, perhaps you and i will be back together, perhaps not. who knows? whatever the case may be, i can only hope that we can remain to stay as close as we are now. i may no longer have a place in your heart but know this, you'll always have a place in mine. im sure you never knew any of this. well, now you know. im sorry i couldnt salvage our relationship like how i wanted to. you may not think it but your impact in my life has helped shaped me into a better person. all i can hope for is that im not shut out from your heart forever.

much love <3
albert anthony viste lariba

no matter, if you need me. ill be here for you. that i promise you...