dear you,
why is it that im feeling this way? idk, i thought i was over it. apparently im really not. it still there. if anything i wish i could turn back time but i cant. i guess it really is true when they say that it isnt until something is lost that we notice and realize its worth. *sigh* i wish you knew, i really do but then again, i know that even if you knew, i doubt anything would change. ahahaha...no matter how i look at it, im so stupid. well, i broke up with her. i realize it wasnt there, i dont even think something was there to begin with. what i thought was something was just my mind playing tricks on me so i can get over you. i just couldnt stay with her any longer knowing you still existed in my life. i realize that im still hung over you, i always have been. its no surprised that every time we chatted, i was at ease. its no surprise that when we talked and i was able to hear your sweet voice, my happiness was beyond comparison. its no surprise that i still sleep with the lantern above my head and chao beside me. its no surprise that despite me noticing other girls, youre the one that crosses my mind before i sleep at night. i must sound really dumb right now but whatever; i know i cant change what happened between us and i know that you probably have had enough of me. you really are clueless of how much i wish there was still "us." clueless of how i put up a smile when in reality it hurts me when we reminisce of the past. clueless of how i am feeling right now as im typing this out. clueless of how much i wish we never ended things. i dont know if you remember when i said, i didnt wanna be close friends with you because it would just kill me inside if i saw you with another guy and i was just the close friend in the sideline. well, im really glad we ended up as close friends. you probably no longer have the same feelings for me as you once had. though it may be difficult and though i dont want to, ill try and get over this feeling somehow.
:]
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